exorcists, sprogs and the chav psyche! why do i do these things?!?!?!?!

...sigh...

i hate my throat....

i've had this cough for over a week now and it sounds like i should call an exorcist for my lungs. seriously, it's all rumbly and evil-sounding!
but to my suprise, i'm not the only one! several people who i know (but have not been in contact with) have developed a similar illness.

coincidence?

i think not!


coughcough...conspiracy...coughcough....


and on top of it, i've just dropped a buiscuit into my coffee! now it's lumpy! GUH!!!

HOWEVER, aside from the demonic cough and the kamakaze biscuit of doom things have been great! for one reason......


i now have a nephew! it's a babeh! in my house!

those who know me know that normally i hate children with the passionate intent of a thousand exploding suns but i think that this must change.

let it be known that i hate ALMOST all children with the passionate intent of a thousand exploding suns becasue baby Riley Nathanial David William F*****r is awesome!

(by the way i wasn't beeping out a swear word, i was blanking out my name for privacy's sake.)

it's David after my dad, William after my grandad, and Nathanial because....erm....dunno really, it's probobly a christian thing...maybe?

but he is little and squishy and barely cries.

i have made a private pact to never let him be taken into the chavlish way of thinking as is the norm nowerdays. it'll be a challence but hey, a mini-male-me is going to be toddling around! haha, i'm multiplying! be afraid biatches!!!

ignore that...


on other news, i have come up with a new experiment!



this is so challenging, that i may never be the same mole afterwards. if that happens, may my sacrifice not be in vain.

if you're fed up with the chav bashing then i pity you, because this shall also be a chav-orintated experiment.

my goal? find out why chavs appear to be thicker then an industrial sized plank of wood. so to begin with, i will take an IQ test in the morning to measure my normal intelligence, then completely adsorb myself into the chav culture. well, only as far as listening to some HORRIFIC repetative chav track on repeat ALL DAY before retesting myself.

are we scared yet?

be expecting the results soon but for now, i must mourn my losses....