my holiday from hell. read if you dare!!!

I LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!



you may (or may not) be pleased to know that i was not eaten by the beast of the cheshire moors. nor was a ground into cheshire cheese mrs lovett style.



so better then i expected.



overall though - absolute disaster.



ah-hem, list time

• there was little to no heating
• no hot water
• suspicious looking locals who glared at us whenever we ventured forth from our gated off area
• said locals believed our residence to be, and i quote, 'them houses be haunted, they be!'
• we were settled in a place called 'maggoty woods' near 'dark lane'
• the tv barely worked
• my phone had little reception
• THE INTERNET DIDN'T WORK!!!

oh yeah, i forgot to mention that i found THREE AXES UNDER THE SINK!!!! BLOODY AXES!!!

well i didn't stay to check for fresh blood, but you know what they say, if you don't want your nose cut off, keep it to yourself!

what a fun time right? i'd rather have stayed in the tower of london!

the locals actually stopped talkig and just stared at us whenever we entered a room. ordinarilly i would find this halarious - however i was silenced by my irrepressible memories of three bloody axes and the 'ghosts' around maggoty woods.

i barely made it out alive.

however, the god team found the whole trip wonderful and want ot go again next year.

...

...

only one word can sum up my feelings now...

....

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

kidnapped? political prisoner? with biggins?!

...if I'm unreachable during the half-term week, don't worry i haven't died... technically. on the inside though I'll be writhing in agony.

yep, mum's decided that we all need a break, and although her intentions are undoubtedly good, she went ahead and booked us into a tiny cottage in some obscure/undisclosed location for five days.

FIVE EFFING DAYS!!! WITHOUT EVEN TELLING ME!!!

when i asked what there is to do in said undisclosed location, she replied with a smile: 'nothing much, just walking. it's nice and enclosed so we can do things as a family!'

on its own, not bad, but five whole days with nothing to do but walk around or do homework.... insanity is bound to ensue. the worst part is that there is one hour of Internet a day. ration that between my sister and I leaves thirty minutes. subtracting homework needs leaves me with about five minutes to attempt a mental escape via the world wide web.

so to conclude. five days. enclosed environment. two devout Christians. and a baby. sharing room with said baby and sister. with nothing to do but work.

...this is meant to relax me HOW?!?!?!? I'd rather be choked to death by a constapated chinchilla!!!

goodbye dreams of a nice, quiet break at home with personal space and unlimited Internet access....

don't worry, panda, I'll be back in time for the second Saturday so the four of us can go into town then - I'll regale you with boring tales about walking around some desolate hellhole.


....ah well, i suppose it's not christian camp.








other then that, I've found my political calling at long last!

no, it's not the raving loony party (although that was a close second...). I'm now a sworn member of the liberal party XD. they are my peeps, yo!
I've been searching for a political association i can really believe in, and the liberals seem to tick all the boxes.

so there!



not much else other then a complaint and some kind of declaration of loyalty but whatever. if you've put up with my inconsistent updating this long then I'll trust you'll wait for my 'holiday' to end and I'll update then.



as a reward, I'll introduce you to a little game i enjoy playing. it's called.....


CHRISTOPHER BIGGINS HAS UP HIS BOTTOM TONIGHT!

it's a memory game with ensures hilarity. if Christopher biggins doesn't do it for you, then pick some other miscellaneous celebrity. basically it's a memory recall game - if i say:

'Christopher biggins has up his bottom tonight... the entire cast of hairspray.'

you would say:

'Christopher biggins has up his bottom tonight... the entire cast of hairspray and a disturbed hamster.'

to which i would reply:

'Christopher biggins has up his bottom tonight...'

so on and so forth.


gosh, i love biggins :)


anyway, over and out!

yo, what's happenin' homies?!?!?!

ahhh, coffee and polos.... storebought crack....

anyways, its been a while and i feel (vaugly) guilty about my long leave of absence.

ish.


so what's happened since my last post? well...

1. baby half rolled over.... or tried to...
2. schoolwork is bogging me down
3. aliens have finally taken over in mandelson-form
4. caffine has lost its buzz so i need to up my coffee intake dramatically
5. the mole-people's invasion is going swimmingly as we now have full mind control over czechoslavakia and minor parts of taiwan
6. for once i'm not hatingthe world and everyone in it - only those of the chav persuasion

fun ain't it?

i spent the whole of my free drawing pictures of moles in various positions (not like that...honest).

i call it - "THE MOLE CHRONICLES!!!"

Something tells me i'm not using my free lessons to the best of my ability.... meh

half-term should be fun - i will go to that gay bar!!!! there's a story here but i won't go into it.

okay, quite brief today, i'll make it later.

maybe...

futch-out!

recap

hola! it's been a while, right?
i'm sure you're hoping for a speedy and satisfying explanation as to my absence, but as per usual you're not going to get one... deal!

anyways, the least i can do is bore you all to death with everything that's happened up to this point.



m'kay folks, first item on the adgenda: GCSE results.

suprisingly, i passed them all - not with flying colours, but i passed none the less.
i got an A*, 3 A's, 4 B's, and 2 C's.
the A* was in english language; that suprised me. however i was even MORE suprised at the fact that i scraped a pass in history.
now that was unexpected seeing as i slept through most of the second exam and had to be forced to hand in my coursework. i get the feeling that the grade isn't accurate, but you know what they say. 'the nail that sticks up, gets hammered down'.

horrible thought but unfortunatly true. damn conformity....



moving on.

i'm loving my lessons - the honeymoon period is starting to wear off due to ridiculous amounts of homework, but this acedemic year is going to be much better then last year.

this is my solomn vow:

no more shall i procrastinate, put off, or postpone my schoolwork.
should i break this, i give you, my honoured blog follower, permission flick my earlobe in mild irratation.



got it? good.


yeah, i'm bored now.
this turned out shorter then intended, but i'll be posting more frequently to make up for it.





'till our next meeting,

XtfX

WTI (wasp transmitted infections) and lazy conspiracys

if i had to eradicate any species from the face of the planet, it would be wasps.
without a doubt.
here is a list about why i loathe them so:

• first off, they BUZZ in your FACE!!! purely to annoy you.
• second, they're sneaky! occasionally you can hear one, but cannot see one. making you paranoid for the rest of the day.
• thirdly, they hate me. no matter who else is in the room, they automatically go straight for me
• and that's not mentioning that one has just stung me. TWICE!!!

i was innocently sat in a restaurant when out of nowhere, one flew up my leg, decides it doesn't like me anymore. violently attacks me, and try's to make a quick getaway...

...noway that was gonna happen.

normally I'd spare the poor thing, but this one was just begging to be put out of it's misery... not to mention it's given me wasp aids...

so now I'm sat here with ammonia on my leg, gritting my teeth and wondering why wasps seem to be addicted to causing me pain.

should i go into another conspiracy rant?

meh, can't be bothered, so you lot can fill in the gaps.

okay, the basic format for a rant:

-blanks- are under government control so that -blank- can happen, which in turn creates a -blank- for all of the -blanks-. so in effect, what they don't want you to know is that -blank- and -blank- are trying to -blank-.

there, if you want a rant, do it yourself.

okay, moving on, my Pokemon binge is going swimmingly, panda's going to help me complete my pokedex, I've almost finished Colosseum, and i finally evolved what I've come to know as the fugly fish (feebas) into a milotic.

fugly fish was infuriatingly difficult to find - so much so that i spend 3 days of my life searching for it.

was it worth it? we'll see when i complete the Dex, but i get the feeling that I'll be left feeling that I've wasted a good chunk of my life.

i also dug out some of my old Digimon toys.

ahhhh, nostalgia.

i've been wearing my season 2 digivice all day. it's both funny and slightly sad.

other then that, nothing blog worthy has happened. so hold tight, once i get my results you can expect a loooooong rant.

brace yourselves for a long, whiny, and boring time from me until then.

kuh-brap!!!

GCSE's, mind-rape, and pokemon overloads are not good for the health!

Guh, i feel like I've been mind-raped by GCSE anxiety.

I've finally and begrudgingly conformed to the fear of exams which i previously didn't mind.
in fact, i sort of revelled in them and enjoyed the silence that is so hard to come by nowadays.

this ended last night when my mum asked when i got my results.

at first i didn't really care, but then i felt an unfamiliar gnawing at my insides.
no, it wasn't a tapeworm, it was fear.

sheer unadulterated, x-rated, heart chilling, sweat dripping, heart attack inducing fear.

history I'm not concerned about, I've definatly not passed that minefield - the only real question being just how badly i failed.
i mean, i was so tired in the exam that i couldn't read the question since the words seemed to be spinning.
in the end i just went to sleep. i at least want to have a failure worthy of a miniature firework display.

English is a big worry since anything below an A* is considered a failure to me if no one else.

drama i have no idea and that makes it all the worse. it's ten times worse when you have no idea how you did.



i was obsessing about it so much last night that i had the randomest, hallucinogenic mind fuck dream ever.
my brain went so overloaded that i produced chemical crack in my sleep.
i won't tell you about it but it did involve an accordion, a White rabbit, a nervously laughing viking woman and a levitating Mr. Bean.

i now feel like i have an idea of what mind altering drugs are like.

luckily, I'm feeling better now but my mum wants to go up to the school and collect the results instead of waiting for them like i want to.

it's a good job i don't know when they're out really, but if someone can give me a heads-up on the actual date that'd be lovely :)




right, next item of business, i found a new mission in life.

i will absolutely conquer Pokemon emerald and Colosseum - legendary Pokemon included.
it won't last long, but as long as it keeps my brain from wandering to other potentially dangerous activities it can't be a bad thing.

I've got about 98 on emerald in the last two days since I've been playing none stop, and before i say it, yes i know I'm a sad little game freak.

I'm also replaying ocarina of time and, if i have time, ff vii.
school is looming though, and i should really get to work round about now.
whatever, still a few weeks left.

okay, i admit, my first love is procrastination in all it's forms, but as long as things get done eventually, i don't see a problem.


anyway, that's long enough for now.
till next time folks

p.s. avoid over thinking at night, it does more damage then good!!!

boredom, sangria, and a note to the panda

wow, it's been a while, right?
every day I've started a new post, but i can never find anything to talk about - quite a feat as normally i don' shut up XP

so finally, i decided. i WILL post something if it's the last thing i do! so here we are.

first off, i saw an incredible movie last night.

green panda, if you're reading this: WATCH THIS MOVIE! there's one character in it (called 'the comedian') who seems to have jumped right out of that comic book you love so much, the boys.

it's called 'the watchmen' and it is probably my new favorite movie

...




...



...


yeah... what else...


I'm going over to a friends house on Friday... should be fun...

...

I've gotten a huuuuuge bottle of sangria all to myself so that'll be gone by tomorrow, before you say it, I'm NOT an alcoholic!


okay I'm done, sorry for the short post but whatever, I'll make up for it when i have something to blog about.
later then!